Particularly, thoughts about children in church and Children’s church – and all the many combinations thereof.
First, let me share with you how this whole conversation got started. A couple of weeks ago, I attended a leadership meeting for KidRidge. KidRidge is the name for the children’s ministry at our church. The church has grown considerably, which is wonderful. However, this growth necessitates some changes – things that worked with a handful of kids don’t work the same with nearly 100 kids. So, we’ve had a couple of meetings and brainstorming sessions on the future and the vision for KidRidge.
Yesterday, Rachel, one of the team members, sent this link (click here) for everyone on the team to read and asked that we respond.
Go read it.
Really.
Go ahead, I’ll wait. It’s worth the read.
Mkay, you back now? What did you think? Are you like me going “Wow. Oh, wow.” “But, what should we..” “How can we…” “I wonder if…” And about a billion other thoughts all running around and bumping into each other.
Some of the questions she asked, won’t let me go.
“Our sons are never in church with us. Isn’t that weird?”
“Is that good?”
“What do you think the boys think of when they think of church?”
“Do they think of the group of people God wants to use to reach the world with the gospel…this large, multicultural, multigenerational body where we learn from one another…young and old learn from one another….serve each other and live out all the beauty of scripture with one another?”
Or
“Do they think of the age segregated programs…their “class” or AWANA?”
“Do they feel apart of the church?”
“Do we see them as a part of the church, or just a problem that needs to be solved so you and I, mom and dad can be in church?”
“Are they so used to having an extravagant program every time they set foot in the door, that if the programs were taken away, they would go from loving church to hating it?”
“Is that good? Does that mean we’ve taught them to love church…or taught them to love something else?”
“Are we growing them up in top notch children’s programs with teaching yes…wonderful teaching…but also a lot of games, activities, in some churches puppets, concert-like music, dancing and drama only to get annoyed at them years later as we wonder why our church is so consumer driven and our congregation thinks church is a place to be entertained? Are we teaching them to think the church is “all about me” and then getting irritated years down the road that our church is filled with people who think church is all about them?”
“Have we in some ways delegated discipleship to the church when the Bible clearly says that’s our jobs as their parents? I know the church can help, but we aren’t doing anything at home to teach them God’s Word…so if we’re honest is the church helping or have we made them fully responsible for teaching our children about the Lord? If so is once-a-week discipleship enough for our kids when the Bible has already told us how often to teach them His Word?”
So many questions. But I really think these are good questions, and they are ones that need to be asked. I’m hoping we can find answers.
When I read through it the second or third time, I recalled my experience with church as a child.
The church of my childhood – well, as I recall, and I was a child so it very well could be that the memory is inaccurate. But in my memory, we started going to church when I was about 10. Mainly because I bugged my parents into it. Again, the memory could be faulty, but I remember asking if I could go play at so-and-so’s house. I’d receive the response, “No, they’re at church.” So, I’d ask “Then can I go play at whozit’s house?” Same response, “No, they’re at church.” After hearing this a number of times I finally asked, “Well, why aren’t we at church?” And, lo and behold, we ended up at church.
We started attending the local Presbyterian church, because my mom had gone to a Presbyterian church when she was a child. Some have referred to the Presbyterians as being the “Frozen Chosen.” I’d say in my experiences of church, that would be a pretty accurate term. We would go to Sunday School, and then most families would go sit together for the 11:00 service. Both of my parents sang in the choir, so I would usually go sit by myself. As an adult, I don’t remember any the messages, but I do remember the order of the service.
Occasionally, when we’d visit Granny and Grandaddy’s house we would go the their church. First Baptist Church of Flint, Texas. I remember liking their church better than ours, because I didn’t feel like the Pastor was trying to talk 8-miles above my head. I understood his message, what he said had relevance to me, it mattered. It caused me to have feelings that I never had in the church at home. I remember vividly, one Sunday during the alter call, my heart leaped inside my chest. I understood what he said. I understood that I was a sinner, and that I needed to ask Jesus into my heart so that he could be my Savior, and that I would be saved. I wanted to walk down that aisle. I wanted to go tell the preacher that “I believe!” I wanted to be a Christian in the true sense of the word. But, the ways I had learned from the “frozen chosen” kept me in my seat. So I sat silently longed for something, something more.
Funny. I’d forgotten most of that until I read the post Rachel sent. Looking back, I wish I would have had the courage to stand up and walk the aisle as a child instead of waiting to make that profession of faith when I was 30.
However, this reminds me that we don’t need a big, fancy program to reach the hearts of the kids at church. We just need to present the Gospel in a real and relevant way. Sure the programs are cool, and yes, they teach the great stories of the Bible, and yes, they help kids apply Biblical knowledge to their everyday life, and yes, I think programs can be good and valuable tools.
But I wonder -
are we putting too much emphasis the program, and forgetting about the True Message?
is the program so busy and fun that the True Message is getting lost in the presentation?
are we just looking for a place to “park the kids” while the grown ups do church?
I wish I had the answers.
Things to think about. Lots of things to think about.
Hey, if you have any answers or thoughts you’d like to share – I would love to read them.
PS: There’s a great follow-up post to the link above. If you want to read it, you can find it here. 
I don’t have any answers, but just had to tell you that I have often wondered the same thing. We go to a “mega” church with a children’s program with all the bells and whistles…huge VBS production, puppets for preschoolers, dance team for elem kids worship, concert like setting for the teens. It is all very entertaining and definitely makes us all want to go to church. But I think the “still small voice” might get lost in all the hub-bub. There doesn’t seem to be a lot of emphasis on “Be still and know that I am God.”
Thanks for making me think even more…Tanya
Thank you so much for your post on this. I’m at about the same point you are and I don’t even have kids yet! I do know that this article came our way for a reason – and it means something. Wherever God takes us with this – something is starting to grow inside of us. So glad I get to be on this team with you. By the way, Heather (the author of the blog) is continuing the discussion and had a new post a day or so ago. You should check it out too!
I have never participated in childrens’ church–as a Lutheran, the congregations we have belonged to have never had this. Personally, I think it’s VERY important that children are in church with their parents. They learn so much there–they learn more than you can imagine. My boys, at 6 and 4, know the Lord’s Prayer, can say it, and know some of the liturgy. Emma, amazingly enough at almost 2, can’t way the prayers word for word, but says it in her own language, all the while getting the rhythm exactly right. It is SO important for them to see their parents in worship, to see their parents participating, to participate right along with them. Ethan’s kindergarten teacher gave us a checklist to copy off and take along with us–put a checkmark when you hear the bells. Put a checkmark when you hear singing. Put a checkmark when you hear God’s word, etc. Even the smallest children know what is going on. Children learn by routine, find comfort in the liturgy they hear every Sunday. My children have been by my side in church since birth-is there nothing better than hearing the little voices of children in church? (Unless it’s your own, screaming, but I digress.) Jesus said, “Bring the little children unto me.”
as with most other things, i like balance. i do think there is a time for kids to be in a setting geared more towards children. for lots of reasons….they can learn about God in an environment that is more appropriate for their learning, the parents get a chance to worship without constantly attending to their children-good or bad (i don’t think that is a bad thing to want sometimes!) just to name a few. of course, there is a time for them to be in the assembly as well…to worship with the whole body, to learn how to do that on all levels-prayer, singing, listening, to learn how to respect the assembly time, etc.
i don’t think it has to be strict one way or another.
Hey…i enjoyed your post. We’re in a small conservative (theologically speaking) church. My husband is the pastor and I am the children’s church.
We found it really necessary. The kids stay in church til after the kid’s message from the pastor…then we take them out. We listen to some contemporary worship music (big church is traditional) and do a lesson…we’re doing Route 66..a road trip thru the bible. BUt, all that to say, yes, sometimes we ARE going TOO overboard, but in most churches children below say 6th grade, cannot understand the message. The preacher is NOT preaching at an elementary level…he’s not supposed to! BUT, yes, they need to see what big church is about, I think. CHurches need a balance. In all things. 
Best of luck! Julie
I spent a couple of days thinking about this before commenting. These are excellent questions for which there are no easy answers. What works for one group of people may not work for another. I’ve been in churches that have nothing for kids, and almost too much for kids. The church I was in growing up had children’s church – only during the message. The kids were in the service for the singing and prayer time, but had a preaching time geared towards kids. The problem with this is the disruption that occurs when the kids leave. I’ve been in churches with no nursery or kid’s programs at all. The problem with that is that the kids make so much noise, it’s too easy to focus on them and not on God. The church I used to go to has a program for kids during the worship time. Sometimes, I think it’s just a glorified nursery, but there are times when I know that real teaching has happened. I visited a church last week that has a worship readiness class for kindergartners. The class teaches the kids the main elements of the service (the Lord’s prayer, Doxology, etc) and what to expect in a service. Then, as first graders, they are able to actually participate in the service instead of being bored out of their minds. So, as you can see, there are postives and negatives to just about every possibility.
Good luck to you as you and church search for the answers.